It’s just what you do

My parents’ generation taught them to “Keep your head down. Be silent. Be faithful. It’s not about you. Have a very industrious work ethic.”

It wasn’t about the individual. It was about doing the right thing.

It’s just what you do. You do the right thing.

Motivated for the long-term

I’m motivated by my calling. God called me to go where there is no church. And doing that is what I find strength and joy in.

Jesus said, He who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is not fit for service in the kingdom. So just keep going.

It’s not about if this is “aligned with who I am.” Who I am is a child of God who follows Him and does what He wants. It’s not about me. In the current physiology, that’s a negative thing because people don’t have a strong root in their identity, so they really need to “find” that. Whereas the stronger you are in your identity in Christ, the more you can say, “What does God want me to do, and I’ll do that.” There are no other options. That’s who I am, therefore that’s what I do.

How do I keep going over the long haul? Because I know it’s what he’s called me to do, and I delight in doing what he wants. And I’m in him, and until he tells me to do something else, this is what I’m doing.

We don’t want to be doing something just because of momentum. We want to ask, Lord, what do you want us to do? We want our ears to be open to that.

For men, a career change is a frightening thing. Especially a married man. If you shift your career and it fails, what are you going to do? Become a janitor? That can lull you into doing the same thing until the bills are paid and the kids are out of college. How are you gonna get hired when you’re in your 50s and 60s? Those are the kinds of things that are in the back of men’s minds. They don’t necessarily say it, but that’s something that can skew their ability to listen to God and follow him.

What is realistic? How can I find a sense of peace and contentment in what I’m doing?

You have to find contentment. You’re going to have a lot of things in life that you don’t like. It’s not about whether you like it or not; you have to do them.

The sacrifices of long-term missions

God is sovereign, and he redeems the bad things that happen to us.

One of the sacrifices of long-term cross- cultural work is loneliness, especially for men.

I remember my kids saying to me, dad you need friends.

Was I intentional about building relationships that weren’t strictly contingent on worker ministry?

Sometimes we feel like if we’re just hanging out with friends it’s not “intentional,” it’s not “ministry.” 

Think about the things that really do impact your ministry, how you treat people, your connectedness to the Lord, loving him, and loving people.

You’re gonna have people in your life for a short period of time, so just go all in. Make the most of what you have.

Burnout on the field

Burnout is Chronic stress over time, from which you can’t recharge; your recovery time is not enough. Over time, you have a gradual depletion until it reaches burnout. You’ve crashed.

Over a two or three-year period, I found what I was doing was stewing on things, and that adds to the chronic stress. Because you’re stewing you don’t have a break you can stew on it 24/7.

You’re not taking it to the Lord in prayer. You’re not saying, look, this is an untenable position to stay in. You have to find equilibrium; life is up and down. It’s not about life balance. That’s not realistic.

I kept taking on more and more things, and at some point, I realized I was burning out.

One of the vicious cycles of burnout is that you take on things to compensate for the areas you’re failing in. It’s like a coping mechanism.

You take something new on to have a success in that to compensate for the failure in this other thing. But the reason why you’re failing is because you’re taking on too much. But then you take on more.

You get to a point where your judgment is wrecked.

People’s experience of you is dropping the ball, disappointment, not following through on your word, and it just piles up, and it becomes a monster.

It’s not just, oh, I’m tired because last week was tough, or I have this one thing that’s really nagging me. No, there’s a lot of stuff that’s been piling up over time.

My dad knew that was what needed to be done and that it was the best thing for the family. Whatever he was feeling was going to result in the family losing faith, being anxious, you can imagine.

You’re going to need to express your feelings more often if your identity isn’t grounded in Christ. Being solid in your identity in Christ can abate the need for having to get so much affirmation all the time about everything.

Our identity in Christ strengthens our resilience in the face of challenges. And as a byproduct, you don’t necessarily need to say everything you’re feeling if you’re not feeling that great, because you fall back on, who am I in Christ.

Making the needed changes

I was concerned about really losing it, being down for the count. This wasn’t just burnout, like I need to take a break, this is like, I don’t know if I’m going to be able to mentally recover. It’s that bad.

You can get a physical injury, and you limp for life; it was that kind of thing, mentally and emotionally. My capacity in energy level would be truncated. It would be shot. It’d be taken down, and I wouldn’t be able to recover.

When COVID hit, I was sitting in the backyard. Thanking God that I don’t have to do anything. I’m just watching the weeds grow. Literally watching the weeds grow. I’m not having the ability to think or think too much of anything.

For the next three summers of going back to my home country, I intentionally did a home assignment in a way that gave me margin during my week.

Every year, there was a progressive increase in my capacity to think better. But it took a solid three years to feel like I was back.

My knee-jerk reaction is to help, which is fine, but not when you’re burning out.

A warning and advice

If it’s a man, I scare them. I said look, dude, if you do this, you’re going to be out. You’re not gonna be able to be here doing what you want to do. It can damage your health to the point where your ram level is no longer 100% it’s like 70% and it stays like that for the rest of your life.

You need to think long and hard, are you gonna take this seriously and get healthy, or not?

If your spouse is burning out, you need to make sure you’re making choices that help them. You make the sacrifice, so your spouse can get what’s needed.

The lies we believe

Statistically, the stress level for cross-cultural workers is way higher than for the average person.

“The original 1967-1970 study found that if a person reached a level of 200 on the scale in a single year, the cumulative stress would have long-term implications. In fact, they discovered that fifty percent of individuals who reached this level were hospitalized within two years. The consequences included heart attacks, diabetes, cancer, and other serious illnesses. If a person reached a level of 300, they were almost sure to end up in the hospital. In 1999, Christian doctors Lois and Larry Dodds of Heartstream Resources began to study the levels of stress on the mission field using a modified version of the Holmes-Rahe Stress Scale. First-term missionaries were found to have scores peaking at a whopping 900, while veterans maintained 600-plus year after year. Remember, according to the research, people with a score above 200 were likely to have severe, long-term health problems within two years. The evidence clearly demonstrated that the “normalcy” of the missionary lifestyle is three times higher than the average “danger level” of stress.” – The Mind of a Missionary page 292

Spiritually, in the background, there’s the grace of God to enable us to do what we are called to do.

Things that are in our control are whether we are aware, whether we are trying to overcompensate for our feelings of failure or inadequacy, or whether we are not fulfilling our calling? And are we taking on other things to make us feel better about ourselves, without really being conscious of that?

Are we dealing with the cognitive dissonance of the underlying failure feeling because I’m not fulfilling my calling? Does that just sit in the back of your mind unconsciously and nag?

We have no idea the level of cortisol shooting through our bodies because of the level of stress we have on the field. And it’s not just the amount of stress, but it’s the inability to recover from that stress that is the problem.

If you’re really struggling and you feel like you’re burning out, you need to talk to somebody who has responsibility in your life who you will listen to, so you can make some changes to help you get better.

Whatever I’m anxious or worried about to make sure I’m taking that thing specifically to the Lord in prayer. Be really honest with God about what you’re stressed about and how you need help, what change you need, and bring that to the Lord.