Faith. Marriage. Missions

I worked in business, in advertising and marketing, and I loved it. It was a good fit for me. But I always had in the back of my mind, “How can I do this cross-culturally?”

My missions pastor said, “You are so gung ho, but you don’t know the scriptures very well, so I suggest you go to seminary.”

We had a blind date from God. It was instant connection. And we were married nine months later.

That was really tough. Coming from a divorced family, coming from a you gotta make your own way, you gotta save your own money, you’ve gotta become somebody important. You have to take care of yourself because no one else is going to take care of you. To follow my husband into missions was a new idea, even if I didn’t feel the call.

God gave me the heart to follow, and God gave me the heart to go.

I’ve always thought that I would be buried abroad. I’m not going back. This is my earthly home.

You’re all in. There is no plan B.

Going local in Asia

What I liked about my professors was that they were practical. It was about cross-cultural communication, and I learned the concept of you be all things to all people. So I went local. I really went local. I dressed, I covered, I was almost fluent in the language. I did it all. I looked like they did.

I went so far into the culture that one time I told another cross-cultural worker that she was insane because she wasn’t covering her head. And as I heard the words coming out of my mouth, I said Oh Lord, I’ve gone too far. I’ve gone too far.

I was trying to fit in, but I didn’t fit in, and that’s why I suffered so much.

I will say, at the time, it felt like a men’s club. It was heard that my value as a business entrepreneur, as a businessperson, as a marketing expert – it was like, “Oh, will you teach us what you know so we can do it?” but not really involving me.

I was culturally very far away from my host community.

My supervisor came up to me and said, “Hey, you’re not doing well.” The exact wording was, “You’re dying on the vine.”

It was harder for my husband to see [that I was suffering] because this was his whole life, this people group, this vision. What do you do with that when you have a wife who isn’t doing well?

When we were asked to leave the country, for me, it felt like God finally sees me.

We’re not called to a people, we’re called to serve and honor God. People change, but God doesn’t change. If I’m all in with God, then these other things aren’t gonna have such a devastating effect on me.

It’s not the place. It’s not the people. It’s about God.

Dealing with contention in marriage

It was an area of contention, but the process that needed to happen was on my part and on his part individually.

We got counseling, we went to another Asian country that’s known for their counseling, and we had three or four months of soul time.

Advice to self: Enjoy your family

My supervisor said to me, “You need to sit here and enjoy your girls. Enjoy your kids. Enjoy them.”

Put all of your energy, as much as is appropriate, and into enjoying your kids now.

As a mother, I was headed to not being fully in involved with my kids.

In my family of origin, that wasn’t modeled to me. Or it was modeled, put everything into your kids, and ignore your spouse.

But also, I would say to myself, as a type-A person, if you want to start a business, just do it. If you want to stay home and make pies, stay home and make pies.

Women have been pushed into two camps: either you stay home and your home is your ministry, or you go out and the outside is your ministry.

To think that if we totally contextualize with the local people, it means that we don’t rely on God, and relying on God is when the magic happens. That is when the conversation happens. That is when you hand in the Bible. That’s when the Bible verse comes to mind.

Doing business in the Arab World

It’s so hard for type eight people to sit and wait for the Lord. That’s the test of faithfulness: to sit and wait for the Lord.

The hard thing for me has been, but I have a business, but I’m also working with team and other cross-cultural workers, and they’re working with the poor, and I’m working with the wealthy. I’m getting paid, and they’re not. And there can be a weirdness.

A lot of times, I feel like I’m not doing enough because I’m not sitting for hours and hours drinking tea with people.

If these women trust you with their body, they will trust you with much, much more.

My relationship with these women has been very beneficial because many of the women’s husbands are leaders and people of position and influence.

The comparison trap

Perhaps the uniqueness is that I’m a woman doing this, and it’s more common that it’s a man doing what I’m doing and making the money.

The uniqueness of doing this as a wife, mother, and woman is that there are so many hats, and there’s an identity question: who am I? Am I the businesswoman? Am I the missionary? Am I the mom? Am I the wife?

I have felt for 20 years on the field that I have to justify what I’m doing.

I’m more realistic now and more hopeful than I ever have been before, and the judgment has decreased as I get closer to eternity.

Thinking about holistic health on the field

We are very compartmentalized. If we want to take a holistic approach, all of these things are our spiritual life, which affects our physical health, which affects our emotional health, and our community health.

If we want to take care of this temple – our bodies – that needs to include our nutrition, our sleep health, our emotional health, our physical health, because they all do relate to one another.

If you struggle with an eating disorder as a young girl, you’re going to take that onto the field. They will, I promise you.

The innocent glass of wine turns into drinking by yourself.

We need to provide more opportunities for people on the field to get healthy.

I put them into the categories of fitness, nutrition, and stress management. All these things need to be addressed, and the healthiest way to do that is in a team situation.

The lie I used to believe is that God just cares about my spiritual life and what I’m doing for him.

My husband can see these women coming into my home studio, and they come depressed, and they leave jumping with joy.

God is pleased when we take care of ourselves; when we honor him with our bodies.

Another trap we fall into is that we think, I’ve served the Lord all day, and so this one little thing is for me.

HALT

Hungry

Angry

Lonely

Tired

If I’m tired or hungry or lonely or angry, I’m going to make bad decisions.

Take stock of your life and if you’re noticing an area that you’re not telling anybody about, you’re hiding, you’re lying to yourself about it, like oh this isn’t a big thing, but you’re not willing to tell somebody about it, if you’re obsessing about and it’s taking a lot of time and your behavior starts to change, you have an issue you need to take care of.

I’m not gonna believe a lie that I have to do these things in order to feel good about myself.

Setting boundaries, making a schedule, getting accountability, and limiting social media.

Loneliness, there’s another huge thing that people on the field are suffering from.

Stress Management

We need stress. We need some amount of bacteria so our immune system will kick in and do the job it’s supposed to do.

The number one thing I see that missionaries don’t get enough of is sleep.

The second thing missionaries need to do is move—movement of any kind. Get your steps in, for me, it’s lifting weights.

The third thing is your food and nutrition. These are lifestyle factors. It’s about things that we can control—everyday decisions.

Don’t get isolated. Watch out that you’re not living alone and doing things alone, and just having one-way conversations with social media.

Recreation

We need active recovery. Walking as a form of rest helps us recover faster. Go into a pool and have fun. These are things that are stress relieving.

It takes about 10 days to unwind and then another week to get rejuvenated.

God does not promise us health and longevity, and if we’re not careful, it can become an idol or a god to us.