I came back, and I was in a very bad spot emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

I really needed a lot of help, which was difficult for me because I’m a strong personality.

I was in the middle of trauma, and people didn’t realize for a long time.

In this whole time, I never doubted God; I never doubted his goodness, his mercy. I also never doubted my calling.

I experienced before that God is faithful, and you can trust him fully, even if you can’t trust people anymore. You only learn that when you are experiencing difficulties and when you’re experiencing the Lord’s help in that.

My family doesn’t communicate very well, so I grew up with very bad communication.

In the first two years there is so much going on, you have to go through so many difficult things, you don’t even know how to voice them sometimes.

Even if I wanted to, sometimes I just didn’t know how to explain.

On some lonely days, you’re better at it, but on other lonely days, you’re not. You just suck. You feel like you’re not strong enough to reach out to someone.

I’m as lonely as I would be in my home country.

It’s the process of learning how to deal with loneliness. There are things you can do when you have acute loneliness.

I feel like the people who are single and feel lonely, you have to discipline yourself to reach out to others, and it works, and it’s hard sometimes. And sometimes, no one responds.

Patience, and endurance, and resilience, and growth; that’s only happening when you’re facing the difficult things. It’s not the fun and easy times that help with that.

You learn to put a limit to the heaviness of the situation.

The elders from my church said, ‘When the time has come, we will send you out again. When the time has come.’ I was like, ‘Maybe it will take five years or ten years!’

I thought after two years, I kind of felt like I am ready to go out again. But that was my will, it was my flesh, I think, trying to prove; I’ve been here for two years. I went through trauma counseling. I went through difficult times. I did my forgiveness part. I tried to reconcile. I know my calling is still there. So I think I’m ready to go out again.

There was a day, or a week, when I felt, oh, I’m ready to start the process again.

I really felt like the Lord blessed me and rewarded me for really trying to go through the whole process and not trying to take short cuts. And not trying to push it from my side.

I had this strong impression that help and relief projects have become stronger than the Gospel, missions, evangelism…It struck me.

I didn’t have too much romance in the first four years. I loved to be here. I felt like this is home for me after three years. But I never had this big romantic time with the Middle East.

I think I experienced more difficult things than easy-going things.

As soon as I started the process again, I tried to not romanticize it. I tried to remember what life was like.

When I came back this time, I was like, ‘Oh, what am I going to do with my week? How long is it going to take to have a routine, or to be back in the ministry, or having friends here and relationships’?

A lot of my old friends were gone, and I had to start from the beginning again.

It’s hard work. Friends don’t come easy.

The truth is, there are no detours with God.